”I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive my room mate for sending that tweet about my bad taste in hair products. I mean Gawd, what does Theo know about grooming, anyways?”
Via SSS
”So there I am trying to figure out whether he likes me or not, then BAM! - he shows me his fucking wedding ring and starts talking about how perfect his relationship is. So you took me out to dinner BECAUSE??”
Via Lookbook Nu
”I’m gonna just throw this one out there: I used a Ouija board once and Satan blessed me with a new job, but that doesn’t make me a devil worshipper, does it?”
Via Wayne Tippets
”I’m a princess and princesses are special because we get to do what we want, whenever we want, mainly because Daddy wants me to be happy, cos when he’s happy it means that Mommy’s happy, especially when daddy doesn’t use her lips to stub out his expensive cigars”
Pic via Lookbook Nu
‘I’m not good at science or math or any other subject that gooks are meant to excel at, so maybe you should just piss off with your antiquated stereotypes, you imbecilic stool.”
Pic via Glob
”If my penis doesn’t wake up after the second hit of Viagra, I normally give it one more go before my old lady plays with my asshole for a while and we call it a day.”
Via Stil In Berlin
”I know this was meant to be the part where our relationship became exciting again because we introduced the whole role-playing thing to our sex-life, but I’m kinda bored right now and to be honest, so is my vagina.”
Pic via Lookbook Nu
STYLE TIP 02: Is your style becoming predictable and mundane? Get some negro friends and jazz up your wardrobe. Nothing says ‘fashion’ more than diversity.
pic via Late Boots
”I hate those icky belly-buttons that stick out - why the hell do they do that? Why would God invent something that looks so gross? A six-pack is the sexiest thing in the world, but when that outty thing is popping out of it, my boner gets the chills.”
Via Stil In Berlin
STYLE TIP 01: Your friends don’t like your shoes, your clothes or the stupid way you walk. Slit your wrists and flood them with blood-soaked guilt. FOREVER FRIENDS!
